Monday, June 20, 2011

Francofonus Vacancierus

Photo: Destination 360
Those wily American hunters (and you know who you are) who haven’t booked tickets to Paris might be disappointed that they won’t be stalking the Parisii Putaindemerdus species this summer.

But never fear, my intrepid social scientists, here’s the all-you-need-to-know guide for spotting a Frenchie out of its natural habitat.

Otherwise known as the Francofonus Vacancierus, this species may migrate to North America or other English-speaking habitats in July or August.

How to spot the Francofonus Vacancierus:

Its mahogany tan
Many examples of the Francofonus Vacancierus species exhibit a pale cast to their hides, especially those found in the Paris region, which lacks sun in the winter months.*

However, when out of its natural habitat, this UV-seeking animal tends to turn a deep shade of brown, even between bodily folds. Scientists attribute this to a general disregard of sunscreen and a “competitive tanning” culture.
Practical tip: If you see a thin, deeply tanned woman with perfect coverage between her toes, she may be a Francofonus Vacancierus.
*A subspecies of the Francofonus Vacancierus, the Francofonus Alpinus, can be found sporting a mahogany tan in midwinter due to frequent ski trips.

Staking out its territory
The Francofonus Vacancierus displays a general disregard for rules and regulations in its home terrain. This tendency may become exaggerated during its migratory patterns. Burrowing habits become increasingly prominent, even when signs are posted saying “Do not use towels to reserve beach chairs”.

Practical tip: If you see extremely tanned children and adults draping towels all over prime pool lounge chairs at 10:00 PM so they're ready to go the next day, you may have spotted an entire Francofonus Vacancierus colony.

Rosy plumage
The male of the species, while considering itself “Latin”, and in some cases “macho”, has no problem wearing pink plumage.

Practical tip: If you see an extremely tanned man sporting a pink Nodus button-down shirt with rolled up sleeves, BINGO! You have yourself a typical example of the male Francofonus Vacancierus.

Note: Another subspecies of the Francofonus Vacancierus remains in France during the migratory months. These animals are referred to as the Francofonus Timewarpus, due to their painter’s caps, holey bleached jeans, and rat tail hairdos. They tend to congregate in the Var region of southern France.**
**Swear on my belle-mère-in-law’s grave. La Mom has seen the bizarre painter’s-cap-and-rat-tail revival first-hand in Provence several times. So much for the myth that all French people are born chic and classy.
They all had great tans, though. 

Attention! La Mom has an exclusive offer for readers of her blog!

School and regular kid’s activities are nearly over and the French soldes have just begun.

Are you looking for a smart, trendy and fun activity for your kids while you’re shopping in the

Galleries Lafayette area? La Mom, your BFF in Paris, has the solution for you …

A new French cooking class called LES CROCOZORES, dedicated to
well-balanced, tasty and fun recipes for kids, created by great French Chefs!


A Crocozore cooking class in ENGLISH will take place on Wednesday, June 29 from 11:30 - 1:30
near the Galleries Lafayette for 6 - 12 years olds.

Your kids get to cook a healthy and tasty meal (main course + desert), while you shop, meet your copines for a café crème, run errands...

LES CROCOZORES has an exclusive offer for La Mom blog readers : 48€/child + an

invitation to the next tasting of new Crocozore Recipes (which will take place next October).

Profitez-en ! Sign up at before Friday, June 24 @ 5 p.m.

Only 12 places are available!


à la parisienne said...

A French man with a rat tail just seems oh so wrong. I thought those awful hairdos were isolated to the southern states in the U.S.!


La Mom-an American Mom in Paris said...

@Mandy You really have to go see it to believe it. I have a memory of a whole group of Frenchies in leftover 80's gear in Avignon seared into my brain.

Ulrike, Dubai said...

I am so relieved you posted this. Being German, I keep apologizing for my fellow countrymen all through the summer, because everybody KNOWS it's the Germans that reserve the best sun loungers with a towel. Hah! From now on I will certainement blame it on the Frenchies.

Anonymous said...

I was on a cruise in Egypt last September and it was the Brits "tagging" the chairs. Well this proves it - rude IS international!


Sweet Freak said...

No comment per se... just laughing out loud!

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

aaaaah hahaha! This has got to be one of my favorite posts of your ever :-D

Thank you for the guidance! Now I feel a bit like I am going on a safari ;-)

Beadboard UpCountry said...

The hair thing creeps me out..... We look to European men to set the standard for style... EEEWWW!!!!!Unless they come to Texas in July or August and need some country air, I don't think we'll see any... But you never know who's coming in our door!!!!!Maryanne xo

Pierre BOYER said...

Très sympathique, beaucoup d'humour...
C'est vrai que nous avons une sacrée réputation à l'étranger... et je comprends !
Bonne journée,


Diana said...

Far too funny! I keep picturing a very tanned man, sporting pink and a rat tail scurrying over to the pool at midnight to reserve beach chairs for the following day! I must keep an eye out for the French vacancierus! Hilarious!


View my page on Mom Bloggers Club