Friday, June 26, 2009

Frenchy Friday

I went to the Galeries Lafayette looking for a new maillot de bain and wasn't very motivated after spying this super-sized sexy Parisienne advertising her hard body, perky nénés, and teeny bikini. So I've decided to take my business elsewhere: to Le Bon Marché - where bathing suit advertising is discreet and doesn't make La Mom feel like Le Pig.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Ready, Set, SOLDES!

Ladies and gentlemen, get your running shoes out and your boxing gloves on.

C’est les soldes!

Today marks the beginning of the fabled twice-annual deep-discount French sales.

Fabled, you might ask? Let’s just say that even Cendrillion can find a dress or two to go with those glass stilettos as prices fall to rock-bottom over the 5-week sales period.

And why the boxing gloves? If it’s anything like last year’s Zadig and Voltaire’s markdowns, you’ll need ‘em. Normally prim and proper 16th arondissement demoiselles morphed into banshees as they duked it out over cashmere sweaters – even resorted to slugging each other with their Hermès Birkin bags to get at the last ELVIS-logo pullover.

Trust me, those sapphire-and-diamond rings can do some damage. Better come with a game plan.

Here are La Mom’s tips for making the most of the summer soldes:

1) Plan your attack.

Get in touch with your inner Napoléon and map out your strategy. This is war, baby, so get used to it. La Mom’s personal picks this year are:

Comptoir de Cotonniers for their juicy prints and structured linen dresses

Les Petites for their basics in a vivid palette (check out the ink blue)

Anne Fontaine
– because you always need a crisp white shirt

2) If you love it, buy it.

Don’t bother looking around at another store to see if they have a better price or wait until it’s marked down even further. If you find something you like in your size, snap it up immédiatement! Stores have problems keeping sizes in stock at the best of times, and it’s even worse during the sales.

3) Think like a Frenchwoman.

never buy because the price is right. It’s because they’ve found the perfect pair of shoes for their cocktail dress, or that gold clutch they’ve been hunting for two seasons straight. They only buy what they need – and what makes them look great, bien sûr!

4) Break out your new vocabulary.

It’s inevitable – if you get a great deal, someone’s bound to be jealous. Just make sure you have the Français to make the loser pardon their French.

Here’s what happened to La Mom at the winter soldes:

Parisienne No° Une: She’s trying on the last size 38!

Parisienne No° Deux: Salope.

La Mom:
Oui, la belle salope who just got the last Yves Saint Laurent LBD at 80% off!

Monday, June 22, 2009

English Lessons

Big Fry’s got it pretty much figured out when it comes to language. He zips in and out of French and English conversations with the ease of a Parisian motorcyclist darting through traffic down the Champs-Elysées.

The other day, though, he floored me. His maternelle teacher is going global – she’s teaching the kids greetings in several foreign languages. What I didn’t know is that I’d be getting an English lesson myself.

Here’s last week’s after-school conversation:

La Mom: How was school today, sweetie?

Big Fry: Good. We learned how to say hello in English! Mommy, do you know how to say it?

La Mom: Ummm, no. Why don’t you tell me?

Big Fry: Eel-oh.

Crap, is it too late to sign him up for the American School of Paris’ summer camp before ‘ee starts speeking like zees?!?

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