Sunday, April 1, 2012

Oh, Phoque

Ever wonder what it's like taking a bilingual child to visit the French ophtalmologue

A phoqu'ing r-eye-ot.

It's also a lesson in bilingual ABCs and the f-bomb.

Here's what went down when Big Fry went to see the ophthalmogogist, Docteur Oeil.

Docteur Oeil: So you do speek Eengleesh?

Big Fry: Yes.

Docteur O: So do eye. You weel seet 'eere forrr ze reeding ze letters in ze frrront of you eyes. Zees one.

Big Fry: Uh, pardon?

La Mom (smiling, Big Fry clearly doesn't understand her English): Tell the doctor the letters that you see on the screen.

Big Fry (pronounces each letter in English): 

Docteur O: Baaa, baaa. There seems to be a very slight problem. He didn't see a few of the letters correctly, je pense qu'il a besoin des lunettes juste pour la lecture. 

La Mom: Ah, bon? But he got all of the letters right.

Docteur O: Mais non.

And then it clicked. Docteur Oeil prescribed glasses for Big Fry because he read the letters out loud in English. His English E sounded like a French I and his English G and J were pronounced the opposite way to Docteur Oeil's French ear.

La Mom: Can you give him another chance? He was telling you the letters in English instead of French. 

Doctuer O: Here, try a picture. La voilà.


Big Fry (E
xaggerates the pronunciation of the French word) : C'est une fuk. 

Docteur O & La Mom: Non, c'est pas une "fuk", c'est une 

Big Fry: Fuk 

La Mom: Big Fry!

Docteur O: Phoque. 

Like La Mom said, this visit was a r-eye-ot. F-bombs and all. I think the nanny's been letting Big Fry watch American TV on the Slingbox unsupervised. Where else could he have heard that word? Certainly not from moi. 
Un grand merci to everyone who entered the Murder At The Lanterne Rouge book giveaway by commenting and liking La Mom's Facebook page. And the winner is... Shauna W. Please send La Mom an email with your mailing address. Felicitations!  

If you're wondering how La Mom chose la gagnante, well, she employed a very simple formula: 
1 Big Fry + 1 "Am stram gram, pic et pic et colégram, Bour et bour et ratatam, Am stram gram, Pic !" = the winner.


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