Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Parisii Skierus

Photo: Moncler

Visiting tourists may have wondered why the city zoo was nearly empty during the last half of February and into early March. Where were the Parisii Putaindemerdus species?

Otherwise known as the Parisii Skierus, and following typical winter migratory patterns, the Parisii Skierus could be found in the snowy, mountainous regions of the Haute-Savoie, during the school holidays.

You know you are vacationing with the Parisii Skierus species when you observe the following:

8pm HOTEL ARRIVAL :
The hotel's parking lot is a colony of Parisii Voiturus. Identifying characteristics: license plates indicating Parisii regions of origin: 75, 92, 77, 78.

8am BREAKFAST
Parisii Skierus alpine migration is confirmed at hotel's buffet breakfast. A Parisii reunion takes place at the croissant and pain au chocolat baskets. In fact, it appears that entire Parisii neighborhoods have migrated to the Haute-Savoie from the conversations overheard:

Parisii Momus 1 : I love your sweater.
Parisii Momus 2: Merci, it's from SAP.
PM 1: The boutique in Neuilly or 16ème?
PM 2: Rue de Longchamp.
PM1: That's near my kiné, I'll have to stop by there next week.

Parisii Momus 3: Jean-Paul has the cutest scarf and hat. Where did you get his accessories?
Parisii Momus 4:  At a boutique super-cool, the one I've been telling you to check out for ages.
PM 3: The one in the 15th?
PM 4:  Oui, that's the one, Le Petit Bazar.

Parisii Momus 5: Salut! Are you here with the kids?
Parisii Momus 6: Mais bien sûr les enfants sont là. Jean and Jules have ski lessons in 30 minutes.
PM 5: If Jean is going for his 2nd star, he'll be in Luc's class.
PM 6: I hope they both earn their stars so they can wear them to school on Monday.

9am SKI SCHOOL
You know you are among an entire colony of Parisii Skierus Enfantus by one identifying characteristic - a logo with three dots.




Parisii Skierus Enfantus are protected from harsh Haute-Savoie weather conditions by Wed'ze branded ski gear. Wed'ze ski accessories are sold in the largest Parisii sports store, Decathlon. When you drop your Parisii Enfantus off at ski school, make sure he or she is wearing a bright colored scarf for identification purposes. Otherwise, your child will blend in with the entire Parisii Skierus Enfantus colony and their matching Wed'ze logos.

10am PRESS SHOP
Thinking of reading a fashion magazine over a café au lait while the Parisii Skierus Enfantus are in ski school? Say, around 10am? Think again. Better get to the press shop by 9am. Otherwise, the Parisii fashion bible, Elle Magazine, is sold out by 9:01am. Only Elle knows what colors are à la mode on the slopes this season and female Parisii Skierus read this bible religiously, every week.

NOON LUNCH
The slopes are empty as the Parisii Skierus have staked out all available lounge chairs at the summit restaurant with one thing in mind: sunbathing at 2000 meters. The Parisii Skierus species practice sunbathing at high altitudes as a way to maintain une bonne mine.  
Those poor Dutchonus and Britishonus Skierus species, they're the ones left with scraps - the picnic benches.

4:30pm CHAIR LIFT
It's the last run of the day before the slopes close. When there's a total clusterbaise at the chairlift, you know, once again, that you are surrounded by an entire colony of Parisii Skierus. It is widely known that this species is the only one in Europe that pushes and cuts in line. Identifying characteristic of the Parisii Skierus clusterbaise: Moncler logos on black puffy ski jackets. Only the Dutchonus and Britishonus species wait patiently for the madness to stop. 

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Clusterbaise. My new favorite word.

Seine Judeet (Judith) said...

Hilarious, La Mom, hilarious :)

Robin said...

Haaaaaaate the line cutting....do you ever say anything?

Jadzia@Toddlerisms said...

This actually sounds like fun. I can't wait until all of our kids are old enough actually to HAVE vacancies scolaires! We ended up just dropping them all off in Poitiers and going to (empty!!!) Paris without them. : )

La Mom-an American Mom in Paris said...

@Anonymous - Me too.

@Seine Judeet - Cute name (Judeet) !

@Robin - Usually I do, this time I didn't.

@Jadzia - It IS fun skiing with the kids. It's so cute when they are small!

Interesting Facts said...

I didn't know that I am vacationing with the Parisii Skierus species when I observe those following.

czech property investments said...

Nice post about the Parisii Skierus, I love your writing style!

 

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