Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Scratch That

Have you been to that pharmacy? The one in the 16th arondissement, across the street from the fabulous bakery?

Ah. I see from your little smirk that you have.

Sure, you may say you go there for the prices, or maybe because it’s right next to your kid’s school.

But La Mom knows the truth.

Honey, we all go there for a bit of Carribean sunshine when Gray Paree needs a little pick-me up.

Hang on – let me fill all of the non-residents in to the worst-kept secret in Paris. There’s one guy who works in this pharmacie who is a bona-fide hottie. Broad shoulders, a one-cheek dimple, and the sexiest smile north of Martinique.

Ahem. I digress.

Point is, La Mom knows better than to go there when she needs, oh, let’s say tampons or toenail fungus remover.

Not so much the case for South Carolina Mom. The woman had an itch, and she needed it scratched.

Tout de suite.

SC Mom:
Oh. Ma. Gawd. You will not believe what happened to me last Sunday.

La Mom
(alarmed): Is Cody OK?

SC Mom: Oh, Cody’s fine. It was my lady parts that needed some attention. So I went to that pharmacy.

La Mom
(dreamily): Yeah. Wait a minute. No way – what did you do?!?

SC Mom: It’s not like that! La Mom, it’s ten times worse.

La Mom: I’m listening.

SC Mom: Well, I had some burning – down there. I was desperate! All of the other pharmacies were closed because it was Sunday. So…

La Mom: You didn’t.

SC Mom:
I did! Good Lord, I had to! I don’t know how to say “yeast infection” in French. So I kind of did this, well, dance. You know, pointing to the parts.

SC Mom (pantomiming): I. Am itching. Down here. (Scratches for emphasis.)

What can I say? At least South Carolina Mom scratched that particular itch.

Not to mention any chances for repeat visits to Martinique.


Under the Influence said...

Hopefully hottie didn't confuse her little "yeast" issue with something more serious, like crabs!

emma said...

hello! happy to discover your blog ;very funny and so true upon french people... i will come back soon for sure; kisses from Brest (bretagne)

Anonymous said...

I made sure to keep the southern accent in the forefront of my brain as I read this. I'd give anything to see it as an SNL skit somehow. Hey, maybe your next venue for stories could be in the form of a strip cartoon!

Kimberley said...

hee heeee.

Kiki said...

LOL. having lived in SC, i read SC Mom with an accent. thanks for sharing, La Mom, i really needed to laugh today. take care.

Ulrike, Dubai said...

OMG, even if it is reeaallly itchy you can walk around the block to the next pharmacy, surely. I mean, health needs are important, but he'll never look at her the same way again... Sometimes you've just got to suck it up!

Brenna said...

Ohlala! So funny!!

Claire H. said...

I must say thank you for the laugh tonight. Being an expat in Brussels, and having experienced life in the south...I could totally see this playing out in my life. Luckily, my pharmacist isn't a hottie...and I'm lucky enough to live in an area where 3 languages is a minimum, English being one of them!

featherfactor said...

omg hilarious...I'm so glad to have happened upon your blog. Looking forward to reading more! :)

Eight years and counting said...

Oh no. Having lived abroad, I can only imagine. Alas, I do still enjoy a nice laugh.
Great blog!

Beadboard UpCountry said...

Hysterical!!! It is why I will never stop coming here!!!!!!!I cannot imaging the SC Mom Dance!!!!!! I have been on bedrest prescribed by my web designer after I gave a rebirth to a website and blog. It includes bedrest, white Bordeaux and macaroons......Tis was a riot!!!!! Maryanne xo

La Mom-an American Mom in Paris said...

@emma @RRW @Claire H. @featherfactor @Brenna EightyearsandCounting Bonjour! La Mom loves new readers -- hope you'll come back for more!

@UndertheInfluence Crabs, gross! I'll have to tell SC Mom that she can never show her face at that pharmacy again.

@ Ulrike, I would have dealt with an extra day of itching if it meant doin' the Monistat Shuffle in front of Monsieur Hottie!

readwatchrelax said...

I saw the title then scrolled down and saw the picture...and spewed coffee everywhere and kept laughing!!

Lady B and Little H said...

How could she? The itching must clearly have clouded all judgement. Imagine the shame of going back there. No amount of hotness can compensate for the embarassement...

Lady B and Little H said...

Poor lass! Her judgement must clearly have been clouded by the itching...


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