Sunday, January 2, 2011

Killer Party

 Warning: the following photos are not suitable for vegetarians or crustacean activists.

What is it about throwing a New Year’s Eve party that turns the perfect Parisian hostess into a cold-blooded killer? 

One thing La Mom has learned over the years is that nothing – absolutely nothing – stops the French from bringing the very best gourmet food to their table during the holidays. 

Even if it means doing the deed themselves.

After a lovely apéritif featuring copious amounts of champagne and foie gras (warning: another cruel food alert!), my oh-so-Parisienne friend, Little Miss Parfait, literally presented our next course on a silver platter. 

With its antennae wiggling.

LM Parfait: Et voilà! (Ooohs and ahhs from the guests.)

LM Parfait: Zese homards are very fresh. Zey are not moving so much because zey have been on zee balcony. Zee cold makes zem sluggish. But oh, how zey will bouger in the heat of my kitchen! 

La Mom: What are you going to do, throw them in some boiling water? 

LM Parfait: Mais non! First, we must keel zem by severing the spinal cord. Zen I will cut them in half and collect the juices. Zey must be keeled like zis or ze blood will not be good for ze sauce (rubbing hands together with relish).

La Mom (Shrugging shoulders, muttering): You learn something new every day. 

Crack. Slice. Aiëeee! Mes pinces! Ca fait maaaaaal… (OK, La Mom threw in some imaginary French lobster dialogue.)

La Mom (disgusted yet fascinated): They’re moving all over the place! 

LM Parfait (nonchalantly): Eet ees just ze reflexes. Zair brains are too small to feel ze pain. Et hop! Into zee oven you go!

As they say in French: No pain, no homard grillé accompanied by a subtle cream and shallot sauce.

Or something like that, anyway.

Bonne année 2011 from your BFF in Paris – La Mom!

Check back next week to find out why La Mom was disappointed with her Christmas gifts this year – and discover a sure-fire way to freak out your French neighbor. registered & protected


Kimberley said...

I love a good homard as much as the next girl...but I can never bring myself to cook them myself. I'm dying to make Julia's Lobster Thermidor though...maybe this new year will bring me some courage! Je vous souhaite une très bonne nouvelle année!

Lucia P said...

Thank you for posting the link to the video! It was really fun to see (the two!) of you! In my mind, there was one La Mom and "she" looked like one of the Real Housewives of the OC or BH-don't know why....

It was fun to see two totally normal forty-something looking moms who could be on the streets of Cleveland, Seattle etc.

Happy New Year. And thanks again for sharing the video.

Village Quilter said...

Dear La Mom,
I have followed your blog for about a year. It never fails to bring a smile to my face. We are Kansans originally but have lived in the 91 for ten years and it tickles me to compare the life of expat Parisians with expat franciliens. Our kids go to lycée in quartiers sensibles; I meet mes amies at Brioche Dorée or IKEA café; and for the nouvel an we were feasting on frozen pizza, Ben and Jerry's and chips with our Lidl champagne. Bonne année, et bonne continuation! You've got fans dans les banlieus!

Rosabell said...

hi hi hi !
In Eastern Europe we do that with pigs , so imagine how difficult might be to properly kill them ...:)))

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

This is so funny, because not 10 minutes ago I was reading Eating for Beginners and she was talking about how she wanted to cook something from the Julia Child book but was too chicken to kill the lobsters *shudders*

Must have been delicious though!

à la parisienne said...

I would definitely eat this lobster, but would have avoided watching "le killing."

Thank you for sharing your hilarious experiences!

Kiki said...

wonderful post. LM Parfait is one brave woman. i could never do that. ever. i bet zee lobster was delish. wishing you and your family a healthy and prosperous 2011, La Mom. take care.

Julie said...

I have no problem eating them, I just don't want to do the killing (or even witness it ...)

Bonne annee et bon appetit!

Beadboard UpCountry said...

We too, had the foie gras, some caviar, salade avec homard.... Treats to ourselves over the holidays.....Been enjoying your hilarious posts and playing catch up after the season. Congratulations on a fabulous year of blogging and all the best in the next. Maryanne xo

Sweet Freak said...

Oh la la lobster in a cream and shallot sauce sounds divine! I can't even watch cheese being made, though, so I think I'd leave the killing to les Frenchies.

Bonne année, La Mom!

La Mom-an American Mom in Paris said...

@Lucia P Oh la la, it's time for Le Botox! Neither of Les Moms has hit the big 4-0 yet. I guess I'll be sharing a vial of injectables with my hairdresser after all...

Seriously though, thanks for the shout-out!

La Mom
An American Mom in Paris

La Mom-an American Mom in Paris said...

@Village Quilter

Thanks for your comment! La Mom is très pleased to have fans in the 'burbs.

And Ben & Jerry's and Lidl champagne sound like a divine NTE feast to me.

La Mom
An American Mom in Paris

My Carolina Kitchen said...

What a fun read. You certainly know how to have fun. Lobster in a cream & shallot sauce sounds divine. Actually, living in Paris and celebrating the new year with champagne sounds even more divine.

I always leave the lobster killing to my husband. That seems only right to me.

It is my pleasure to meet you and I adore your sense of humor.
À Bientôt,

Lucia P. said...

Gah! Wishful thinking on my part that you were over 40- I think I was projecting. :)


La Maison Fou said...

never had Lobster that I prepared myself. A challenge it would be!
Thanks for stopping by the blog,
Happy New Year to you!

manon 21 said...

Merci pour ton passage,je découvre ainsi ton blog.

Bonne année 2011.



Shawn said...

@Julie - Amen to that!

Kristina said...

French and food!!! Funny post lol.... Happy New Year!


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