Monday, September 27, 2010

Le Botox Buddy

How do you know when you're getting older and slacking in the style department?

When your French hairdresser asks you to do Le Botox with him and you get dogged by the editor of Elle. All in the same day.

That was my deal just last week.

As I walked into the shampoo room at the coiffeur, there sat Madame Perma-Frown and she looked at me with disgust.

(Sidebar: I was so shocked by the "tu pues" look that I even checked my shoes to make sure there wasn't any dog crotte stuck on them).

Thank goodness I had a copy of Vogue to bury my red face in. Although I noticed I was getting dogged even more by Mme Perma-Frown when I opened the mag.

Fast forward to the haircut:

La Mom: So Pierre, why is that woman dogging me and how come I don't get showered with kisses from you when I come to the salon?

Pierre: No offense, but you're La Mom and that's Micheline, the editor of Elle. You know, you could try a little harder to dress up when you come. Reeboks aren't the epitome of style, especially in this part of Paris. You scream American and you've broken every rule in Micheline's fashion rulebook: no jeans, no trainers, no bad roots. On the other hand, you're looking très embelli for your age.

La Mom: As in not aging well?

Pierre: Au contraire, you're getting better with age.

La Mom: Well, you don't have any wrinkles yourself! Your forehead looks amazing. What's the secret?

Pierre: (Sporting a devilish grin) Spanish botox. It's cheaper to get botoxed in Barcelona. I make a three-day weekend out of it. La Mom, you look good, but you could use a little on your forehead.

(Sidebar: Pierre's grin was so botox. How did I not notice before? Only his lips moved while the rest of his face was frozen).

La Mom: I don't think le botox is for moi.

Pierre: La Mom, I have the names of the best botoxers in Paris. Working at this salon has its advantages. If you want, we could go together for an injection.

La Mom: Together?

Pierre: It's cheaper, ma chérie. The doctor never finishes a whole dose, but you pay for it anyway. If we share the botox we'll get two for the price of one. Or we could do it in Barcelona together. C'est beaucoup moins chèr.

La Mom: OMG, is that the Parisian Princess secret?

Pierre: Chérie, all the Parisiennes in the know share le botox.

La Mom: If I do it and look better, do you think will Micheline stop giving me dirty looks?

Pierre: Bien sûr que non. You flushed your first impression down the toilette. She works for Elle quand même.

So there you go. Another day in the life of La Mom. Génial, n'est-ce pas?

Photograph credit: Stefano Valle.

Image: Stefano Valle /

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