Thursday, August 5, 2010

When Good Moms go Bad

God, I hate Parisian summers.

Wait, let me back up. I actually love it when the spring drizzle lifts, the temperatures soar, and everyone’s undressed to impress.

What I hate is the fact that I always have to get some new friends.

One of the unfortunate side effects of expat life is the turnover. Come June and July, La Mom always sends a crop of playgroup friends back to their homelands.

The upside? Rockin’ Bon Voyage parties.

Take Texas Mom’s, for example.

(Note: All names, including bars and restaurants, have been changed to protect the innocent. Hey, I still live here and need to get reservations.

And if any of you saw a cute blonde in a BCBG wrap dress doing the Technicolor yawn in the 6th arrondissement a few weeks back, I swear it wasn’t any of our group. Promis.)

The Setting: Trendy bar/resto in Paris. (Good lord, can I ever show my face there again?) Other moms have gone home. The combination of luxurious food, alcohol, and a school night has proved to be too much – but for a brave few.

The Characters:
La Mom, Texas Mom, Syndey Mom, Michigan Mom

The Ambiance: Dee-licious. Dee-lightful. Dee-runk.

Texas Mom to Adonis-like waiter:
Could we get another bottle of wine? Je suis très bonne.

Adonis-like waiter (smirking): Bien sûr, mademoiselle.

La Mom:
Omigod, you just told him you were good in bed! And he called you mademoiselle instead of madame!

Texas Mom (giggling)
: I just wanted to say that the wine was good. So much for my three year’s worth of French! But you know what’s really good? The music.

Sydney Mom (hiccuping) : Yeah! I love this mix.

La Mom (slurring slightly)
: Let me take care of this. We can keep this party rockin’. I can make friends with the DJ in any language.

A few minutes later…

20-Something DJ:
Bon soir, mademoiselles, qu’est-ce que je peux faire pour vous?

La Mom : Bon soir! Listen, I have a special favor to ask you. My friend is leaving Paris (insert Texas Mom’s Colgate smile and beauty queen hair toss) and we’d really like to dance. Do you have any Prince? Like “Kiss”?

20-Something DJ: Sure, but why not something more recent? I mean, something our age?

(Laughs from the peanut gallery and snorts from La Mom and Texas Mom)

Texas Mom: How old do you think we are?

20-Something DJ: Like me – in your twenties.

La Mom:
Oh, sweetie, we’re moms. We have little kids.

Texas Mom (flashing Colgate smile): Je suis une MILF!

20-Something DJ: Une MILF – what is that? I’ve always wanted to know!

La Mom to Texas Mom: You know, I’m gonna let you take this on.

The Aftermath:
1 shared taxi home, 2 (almost) sick moms, 3 phone numbers from a bartender, waitstaff, and the DJ, 4 massive hangovers.

Sacré bleu. I hate the turnover, but I sure do love the parties.


Dedicated to all my Mom friends who've gone back to their "real" lives.
Paris won't be the same without you!

Gros bisous from La Mom


La Mom is on blogcation (or blogcances, if you prefer). Check back in a few weeks for more of the dish from France with your BFF in Paris -- La Mom!


Anonymous said...

Hilarious! 3 tel numbers!! Haha

Amy, formerly known as Scandy! said...

Love this!
You know, my Texas ass just returned from Michigan, so the only thing I was missing was a La Mom! Lol...

JouJou Loves You said...

Waahaaaa!!! This is priceless. Sounds like you all had a very 'bonne' time :)

KMB said...

such fun you and your friends have. i have moved to the Atl area and i hope to make some friends so i can go out to le club and drink and get numbers and take a taxi home to my husb and son. enjoy your vacances and take care.

nmaha said...

What a fun evening! Did someone finally explain MILF to the poor guy?

Enjoy you're blogation. Ciao (What language is that?

Nicole said...

I know- I seem to be in the same boat! But I figure that the nice thing about the 'temps' is that they are making the most of their time in Paris and thats why they are so much more fun than the moms that are here for the long-haul. So long as you keep your Message membership, there is always someone new. Like they say, if you can't beat'em, join'em.

Nina said...

Love your blog. It reminds me of the days I was a Brit expat in Brussels. I hated the end of the school year, too. Now I am a Brit in Boston, and I miss Europe. Thank you for bringing a little of it to me.

Beadboard UpCountry said...

I wish I had been there!!!!!!!!What great fun!!!!!You sound like you had a blast!!!!zHow flattering to come home with the phone numbers!!!!!!!!!More power to the moms!Maryanne xo


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