
Sometimes La Mom’s life resembles a dysfunctional sorority.
With the high turnover in the expat community (
merci, la crise economique!), it seems like I have to get out there and replace friends every few months.
It’s Rush Week all over again, people – women check out each other’s clothes, homes, jewelry, and kids’ schools to see if they will pass muster. The only thing missing is some elaborate initiation ceremony.
Wait, I take that back – to get into Tammy’s group, you have to be able to shotgun a Belgian beer. Tammy – as in Tammy Why Not – never met a tequila shot she didn’t like. Tammy’s parties are light on the canapés, heavy on the booze. Needless to say, her CPA husband, Frat Boy, aids and abets her, laughing when their elegant French neighbors leave incensed notes under their door. Hell, they can’t read them anyway.
Here’s what went down last Wednesday afternoon at Tammy’s stunning duplex apartment overlooking the Seine:
Ohio Mom: Ohmigod, I’m still hung over from your party last weekend, Tammy!
New Jersey Mom: Tell me about it. Chris actually threw up for the first time in years after we got home.
La Mom: Whoa, I don’t think I’ve done a shooter since my bachelorette party...
Ohio Mom: So what happened after we left?
Tammy: Things got a little bit out of control – Bill broke out a bottle of tequila and we did body shots off each other’s husbands!
La Mom: Wow!
La Mom to self: Quoi?!?New Jersey Mom: Yeah, we were pretty toasted. Did Frat Boy end up getting fined?
La Mom: Fined for what?
Tammy: Oh, Frat Boy hijacked a Velib’ bicycle and ended up crashing it into a lamppost. He got stopped by some gendarmes but he talked his way out of it.
La Mom: But he doesn’t speak French!
Tammy: Yeah, must have been the tequila talking…
I think I'm withdrawing my bid. Somehow I don’t see Big Cheese getting into reliving college days with a bunch of 35-year-old moms and their baseball-cap, sweatsuit-wearing husbands!