Thursday, November 12, 2009

Madame Know-It-All

Wouldn't you agree that someone who thinks they know everything can be annoying un petit peu?

You know the one I'm talking about - someone who can clear a playgroup in 5 minutes flat because she starts preaching about how she got her baby to sleep through the night with a certain sleep method and if you're not using the same method then you don't know anything. Her way is THE only way to do things. You = bad mommy.

Maman du Jour: Madame Know-It-All

Natural habitat: She holds court at the park, playgroups, art class, English class, the school gates, the American Church, Starbucks, and the American Library.

Oh wait, not the American Library because you have to be quiet in the library and all she likes to do is talk talk talk. She tells you in an insanely loud let-all-the-Parisians-know-I'm-American voice what your kid should be doing or eating for their age because that's what her kids did (so it must be the right way). If she thinks your kid isn't developing correctly then "you probably didn't breast feed long enough and you need to go straight to the American Hospital in "Newy" to see my pediatrician."

(Sidebar - can you believe this stuff?)

Profession: Master of everything

How to spot her: You don't. You hear Madame Know-It-All before you spot her.

She's the first one to criticize everyone about their parenting skills, yet she's the one who has a caca nerveux and goes bananas screaming at her kids because they've run in a puddle (I'd call that acting like kids, but I don't know anything obviously).

Raison d'Etre #1: To share her knowledge about everything with everyone.

You name it she knows it. Madame's been in France for 6 months and she's a walking encylopedia for:

-French fashion, "Chanel is overrated. Zadig & Voltaire will go down as great French fashion designers."
-French food, "French fries aren't called French fries in France, they're just fries."
-French military, "The military doesn't know anything about helicopters. Nicolas Sarkozy's helicopter isn't as big or beautiful as Obama's."
-Daddy Sarkozy, "Sarkozy is the first French President to marry a supermodel."
-French men, "All French men cheat on their wives, it's in their DNA."

Raison d'Etre#2: She lives for the next expat move so she can share her knowledge on raising kids in France with her new friends. She hoping a move to Germany is in the cards (where she just may be nicknamed wisenheimer by the expat moms there.)

Kid's names: Anything with KNOW or ALL in it:
Boys:Knowland, Knollton, Knowie, Allexander; Girls: Knowlanda, Allison, Allicia, Allexandra


Simply Mel said...

Thankfully, I can always hear 'that one' coming, and I grab my crumb and run!

Under the Influence said...

We have those moms here, too. Thanks for taking that one from the US to France! One less for us to put up with.

Stina said...

very funny. i think i know a few of those madame know-it-alls here. someone might say i'm one of them. i'm always right, that's all. take care.

Christine said...

Just found your blog - clever and well-written! Thank you!

Buckeroomama said...

I love this!! Oh, french fries are just "fries" in France, are they now?

Margarita said...

I love your blog. I love it. This is so right on, I know a woman just like this, I think we all do. Hilarious.

ModernMom said...

I think I mus know her Canadian cousin! The know it all are everywhere!!

Elisa, The Unlikely Housewife said...

ugh - my worst nightmare. I don't like being patronized and bossed around, really have no patience for it. Especially when it's someone who doesn't *really* know what they are talking about.

How do you handle this annoying character with French savoir-faire? :-)

AnnieC said...

Thanks for introducing "caca nerveux" to my ever-expanding French vocabulary!

roadtoabudhabi said...

I think that same expat used to live in Dubai...she's the one that talks to her kids really loudly too so everyone around her will hear.

Virginia said...

Well there are plenty Know It Alls left here so just keep her!!! Great post as always.

Julie said...

Here in Quebec we have a name for this type of person and it is Mme. Toute-Toute (because she knows toute!)

J'adore votre blog!


View my page on Mom Bloggers Club