Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Tanorexic


It's tanfest, that time when everyone in Paris comes back from their long summer vacations and competition begins for the best vacation tan.

I went to visit Big Fry's school to find out the teacher's name and bumped into "Tan-Sophie" (real name: Anne-Sophie), one of the French moms who looks tanorexic. Apparently, questioning someone's tan factor in this city is grounds for a full on tan-attack! Here's what went down:

La Mom: Hi there! How was your summer vacation?

(Sidebar: Note: you must ask this all important question at la rentrée. If you don't, it's considered impolite by the French.)

Tan-Sophie: Super! We spent a whole month in Sainte Maxime. Et toi? You don't look like you went on vacation at all. (Ouch! 1 point to Anne-So.)

La Mom: We went back to the US for a month then spent some time in Corsica. You, by the way, aren't very tan either for spending a month at the beach. (Rebound! Hit 'em where it hurts - the tan. 1 point for moi.)

Tan-Sophie: (Offended look on her face) Well I've been back in Paris for a week already! Of course I'm losing my tan. You know, le bronzage du sud (a southern tan) is orange and doesn't last very long. On the contrary, a tan from Brittany is far better because it's deeper, darker, and lasts a lot longer.

(Sidebar: Leave it to a Parisian to point out the fine differences between a Riviera and a Brittany tan.)

La Mom: Well I had no idea there are such important differences between southern and northern French tans.

Tan-Sophie: Excuse me for saying this, but you really should consider going a shade darker. You don't want your husband comparing you to tan French women do you? (2 points to Anne-Sophie for that snide remark.)

La Mom: You obviously didn't read the Journal du Dimanche while on vacation because if you had you would've seen the 2 PAGE ARTICLE on sun dangers and skin cancer. You know Anne-Sophie, those who don't tan seem to have fewer wrinkles in the long run. You may want to stop now before you reach the point of no return.

(5 points for La Mom! I just knew I'd be able to whip this out one day - I didn't expect it to be so soon.)

18 comments:

Simply Mel said...

SCORE! Here's to milky smooth, wrinkle-free skin as we age!

Margarita said...

LOL, I knew this tanning theme would come up again!! Good for you telling her off like that ;)

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Jennie said...

HAHAHA That is awesome. You are awesome. I'm so sick of people telling me to get a tan too. I avoid the sun at all times so I am really white, plus have a pale complexion anyway. My boyfriend keeps telling me to spend more time outside, but I say no way. I don't want skin cancer or wrinkles, thank you very much. I do miss the Vitamin D though because in the US I always drank Vitamin D milk to compensate for my lack of sun exposure. Suppose I could always just take vitamin supplements though.

Under the Influence said...

You rock. Perfect that comment, because it sounds like you may be able to use it over and over again!

L.R. M-J said...

Non, c'est pas vrai...did you REALLY use the whole comeback?? Wow, if so, I should buy you a Bux next time I'm at our apt in the 16th...I always seem to miss my timing on comebacks à la française!!

vicki archer said...

I am so disappointed I have the 'wrong' tan....can't believe my southern tan is too orange!!! xv

{Kiki} said...

no retort from Tan-Sophie for your last comment? will her gaggle of tanorexics avoid you now? take care and keep that suntan lotion on.
-kiki

Sarah Alaoui said...

your blog is so funny.

StyleSpy said...

Can I just ask -- does she seriously believe that there is a difference in the kinds of tans? Or was it just a lame attempt to score a point? Because that is HILARIOUS.

My suggested variation on the comeback: "Well, I asked my husband about that and he said he preferred pale & smooth to tan & wrinkled. Crazy, non?

SuZ said...

Five points for the pale, pasty girls!! :)

Christy said...

This really made me laugh out loud. So freaking funny. I'm applauding my pale skin right now!

Anonymous said...

You can wear SPF 40 & still have a tan. Besides, the French have darker complexions to your average American therefore she may not even need to be out in the sun all that long.

French women are renowned for their beauty, even in old age ... You can't say the same about Americans ... Therefore, when it comes to tanning & enjoying life then perhaps the French know what they're doing.

American in Norway said...

Love it... I an only imagine being a mommy in France... too much pressure I think... All Norwegians are brown all year... you have to be...

Elisa, The Unlikely Housewife said...

oooh, snap! (I've always wanted to say that. think I pulled it off?)

a H.I.T. said...

Well played.

SurfAnna said...

Héhé well done, bravo ! Vive les tanophobics ! :D

Jennie said...

Oh how I love Anonymous comments. "average American" - what does that even mean? There are plenty of Americans who have dark skin too!

Ah yes, the old French women are so beautiful in old age line. Brigitte Bardot anyone? She's cooked through!

The French sure know how to get cancer by tanning and smoking and drinking too much. I wouldn't exactly call that enjoying life, but ending life prematurely.

Kasey said...

LOL, you did an excellent job handling her. She must have come out of that exchange just a little frustrated. :)

 

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