Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Road Rage

It’s official.

I’m a real Parisienne.

It doesn’t have anything to do with my clothes, perfume, or certain je ne sais quoi that I’ve tried desperately to cultivate.

It’s because I can cuss somebody out in rush-hour traffic.

You’d think that bearing the fruit of his loins would make Big Cheese proud of me, but no. It’s the fact that I’ve started honking and gesticulating wildly in true Parisian fashion that has him grinning from ear to ear.

Especially since I cracked down on his voiture etiquette after Big Fry was born.

That was then:

Big Cheese (honking):
Putain de merde, connard! (translation: unprintable)

La Mom: Honey, get a grip on it! You know how they repeat everything at this age.

Big Fry: Connard! (translation: unprintable)

This is now:

La Mom: If I flip the bird at someone, does that mean “va te faire foutre”?

Big Cheese: Quoi?

La Mom:
The other day this guy stopped at a red light, signaled that he was turning right, and started reversing into me. He saw a parking place at the last minute and wanted to back up into it.

Big Cheese:
In the middle of traffic? What did you do?

La Mom: Well, first I started laying on the horn and then he yelled at me, so I flipped him off, pulled into the lane of oncoming traffic, rolled down the window and screamed “Va te faire foutre, connard!

Big Cheese: Je t’aime.

Small Fry: Connard!


Buckeroomama said...

De-lurking to say that I LOVE this! :)

A Gift Wrapped Life said...

What took so long! It must be liberating to be a real Parisian finally....lol! You go girl!

Under the Influence said...

Yay for you! It feels good to tell someone off through an open car window, huh?

I have really had to cut back on my road rage language - my kids picked it up very quickly. Now I just mumble it to myself.

Hinna said...


Scandalous Housewife said...

Shit, La Mom, if that's all it takes to be officially French, I've been there for years!

Jan Heigh said...

I love Google! I don't think these words will be covered in my French class!!

a H.I.T. said...

I miss driving.

Lylah Ledner said...

You're a hoot. I can tell I'm gonna love reading your posts..

New Yorkers tend to do that too!

Lylah Ledner said...

Scandalous housewife is a hoot too!

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Since I don't know what any what you said means it doesn't sound all that bad to me. ;)

Jennifer said...

Must remember french curse words for future use. *scribbling furiously*

Elisa said...

They do that in Italy too. I seemed to be immune - until I got my driver's license. Yesterday I just flipped off my first stupid driver. Here's to first timers! :-)

Michelle said...


Simply Mel said...

Ahhh...to be a Parisian must be so satisfying! Good for you and your birdie finger!

Julia@SometimesLucid said...

My 7th grade french finally came in handy - I understood the first curse. For the 2nd one, google saved the day :)

Paris Atelier said...

Love it!!!! I remember those days fondly! :) I'm proud of you!

Parisienne Mais Presque said...

I'm glad we're not the only family that inadvertently teaches French driving vocabulary to our toddler. :)

Suburbia Steph said...

I must make note of those! I have a major tendency to curse when on the road, maybe with the French terms, I can make it sound classy!

vicki archer said...

Yeah...love the lingo, xv.

The Antiques Diva™ said...

Hmmm... I've recently learned that in Germany it's a 200E fine for flipping the bird!!! Not that I would ever do such a thing while driving, oh no... but well, during the same conversation I learned that since bird flipping is fine causing that the Germans wiggle their fingers in the pick any finger fashion to get their point across!


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