Thursday, May 21, 2009

Celebrity Stalking Tips (Part Deux)


Tip #1: PICK YOUR PARTIES STRATEGICALLY

Every May, France throws the biggest party in the world - the Cannes Film Festival. Knowing where to party to maximize your celeb sightings is primordial!

When La Mom went to the festival back in the day, she knew the best parties for celeb stalking happened at the famous Hotel du Cap. The night I had to choose between a movie studio party on a yacht or the Hotel du Cap for a premiere after- party, I knew which fête had the most potential. Once at the Hotel du Cap, my eyes became sore from all the A-list celebs whose stars were shining ever so brightly. My neck was whiplashed from the non-stop parade of American (and French) celebs. Imagine coming face to face with Sean Penn, George Clooney, Cameron Diaz, Puff Daddy, Mick Jagger & Nicole Kidman?

Lesson learned: Strategic (party) thinking pays off!

PS- Here's a picture of La Mom walking the red carpet with her colleagues. My date was our company's Chief Financial Officer (actually, he was known as the Chief Star F***er.) His screwing paid off though because he was the one who got us into the Hotel du Cap party!









Tip #2: PLAY DUMB


Tyra Banks was in Paris a while back filming a segment for her talk show. When I realized it was her across the street from my top floor apartment, I went out on my terrace and starting yelling "Hi Tyra!" (I know - I'm sooo lame.) I even made a poster "I luv Tyra" (even lamer!) Then I took pictures and videotaped her taping her segment. A few mintues later a big security guard knocked on my front door:

Guard: Bon-jowr Mad-am. On behalf of the Tyra Banks Show I'd like you to hand over the unauthorized photos you just took of Miss Banks.

La Mom: Excusez-moi? Vous êtes qui? Qu'est-ce que vous voulez?

Guard: Do you speak English Mad-am?

La Mom: Vous cherchez qui encore? Je comprends rien du tout. Allez, partez Monsieur.

Guard: I guess you don't understand what I'm asking for. Sorry to disturb you Mad-am.

Lesson learned: Play dumb (and speak another language if possible) while stalking!

Tip #3: PARK IT POOLSIDE

Celebrity stalking doesn't always happen at places like the Hotel Costes, L'Avenue, Hermès, Avenue Montaigne, or the Park Monceau. It can also happen poolside...

For example, parking your derrière next to the pool at the Paris Country Club can get you a ring side seat at a catfight between a French banking baron's wife and his mistress. It's true! If I hadn't witnessed it myself I wouldn't have believed it for all the cheese in France (PS- the mistress was pushed into the pool.)

Or you can park it next to the pool at La Mamounia hotel in Marrakech, Morroco. Especially in April when Paris is damp and wet, you'll find lots of French celebs soaking up the sun here. Big Cheese and I once spotted "Jacqueline" reading what looked like a movie script not far from us. I went into the cabana bathroom later and while I was unlocking the stall to leave, someone else walked in and shut the stall door next to me.

Then she cut the cheese and let it rip! I had to refrain from bursting out laughing (I know - very juvenile of moi!) I left the the bathroom in a hurry and got back to my lounge chair. Big Cheese and I kept our eyes glued to the cabana to see who it was. A few mintues later, Jacqueline opened the door and sauntered back to her pool chair like she was God's gift to French cinema. Now every time we see her in magazines or on TV, Big Cheese and I can't help but call her Jacques the Ripper.

Lesson learned: Prime celeb sightings happen poolside with the added benefit of knowing that celebs are just like you and me. Especially the French ones - they know how to cut a mean cheese!

13 comments:

Monkey Girl said...

Too too funny.

Dumbwit Tellher ♥ said...

Ahhh...La Mom; to only be able to live our life.

Margarita said...

Oooh this is so exciting! I love celebrity sightings!! Good luck!!

Under the Influence said...

Oh, I love a good catfight! Would have enjoyed seeing that one - with a splashing finale. The best!!!!

ModernMom said...

Ah Celebs...good to know they are just like the other bean eaters of the world!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Some of my all time BEST celebrity sightings have been in the bathroom at Showbiz Award Shows. We're all just girls waiting in line the the ladies room and no one-- not even Barbra Streisand-- gets to cut in line :-)
GREAT POST!!!

parlez-vous-kiwi said...

Oh your posts actually make me laugh out loud!!!

I was reading an article today about how the Cannes festival is becoming less celebrity and more un-classy. check it out here if you like: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1185175/How-Cannes-went-pan-Attendees-longer-care-movies--just-drink-drugs-naturally-sex.html

Michelle said...

How funny! I love the Tyra Banks part.

turnitupmom said...

You're a laugh riot. The closest I came to a celebrity "sighting" was sitting next to John Ritter in Maui. I did love 3's Company growing up, but it's no Nicole Kidman!

I'll pass along your tips to my sister, living outside of Hollywood!

ParisBreakfasts said...

I nearly tripped over Kristen Scott-Thomas' Yorkie last week on rue Madame!
I so wanted to play dumb and ask to take a pic of her hound but I lost it :(
Even with no makeup and a rain hat she is gorge..
Love the Tyra story too!!!

g. said...

I love this. Too funny!

janice said...

Great post! I'm a new follower from MBC! Love your blog!

The Antiques Diva™ said...

What a wonderful thing to wake up to today! I sat reading your blog with my morning coffee and I swear, esspresso with cream squirted from my nose when I got the part about Jacques the Ripper!!

By the way, the "writing" I mentioned via email earlier last week is going well - I'm almost to my goal!!! Just a few more days to go!

 

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