Sunday, April 5, 2009


Sometimes La Mom’s life resembles a dysfunctional sorority.

With the high turnover in the expat community (merci, la crise economique!), it seems like I have to get out there and replace friends every few months.

It’s Rush Week all over again, people – women check out each other’s clothes, homes, jewelry, and kids’ schools to see if they will pass muster. The only thing missing is some elaborate initiation ceremony.

Wait, I take that back – to get into Tammy’s group, you have to be able to shotgun a Belgian beer. Tammy – as in Tammy Why Not – never met a tequila shot she didn’t like. Tammy’s parties are light on the canapés, heavy on the booze. Needless to say, her CPA husband, Frat Boy, aids and abets her, laughing when their elegant French neighbors leave incensed notes under their door. Hell, they can’t read them anyway.

Here’s what went down last Wednesday afternoon at Tammy’s stunning duplex apartment overlooking the Seine:

Ohio Mom: Ohmigod, I’m still hung over from your party last weekend, Tammy!

New Jersey Mom:
Tell me about it. Chris actually threw up for the first time in years after we got home.

La Mom: Whoa, I don’t think I’ve done a shooter since my bachelorette party...

Ohio Mom: So what happened after we left?

Tammy: Things got a little bit out of control – Bill broke out a bottle of tequila and we did body shots off each other’s husbands!

La Mom: Wow!

La Mom to self: Quoi?!?

New Jersey Mom: Yeah, we were pretty toasted. Did Frat Boy end up getting fined?

La Mom: Fined for what?

Tammy: Oh, Frat Boy hijacked a Velib’ bicycle and ended up crashing it into a lamppost. He got stopped by some gendarmes but he talked his way out of it.

La Mom: But he doesn’t speak French!

Tammy: Yeah, must have been the tequila talking…

I think I'm withdrawing my bid. Somehow I don’t see Big Cheese getting into reliving college days with a bunch of 35-year-old moms and their baseball-cap, sweatsuit-wearing husbands!


Fiona said...

Sounds like some party! lol, not sure I'd be pledging either!

Under the Influence said...

Can you "join" and just be a casual observer? They sound like they have a high "entertainment" factor!

A Gift Wrapped Life said...

Another funny, funny post! It's for good reason frat parties are for when you are in college (hence - the jelly shots on husbands)....tell them you are starting a slightly more civilized fraterity.

Dumbwit Tellher ♥ said...

But wait a minute...he could be doing body shots with the other wives...
You have to admit, they do make good blog fodder?!
Do these women read your blog by any chance? Ha!

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

I don't really fit in with crowds like that either. For one I am too much of a lightweight and I am way to cheap to spend much money on booze.

It does sound like a frat though and if your going to shotgun a beer do it with one you don't want to taste. In my book if it tastes good it should never be shotgunned...i.e. Belgian beer=good, Keystone=not good.

Scandalous Housewife said...

La Mom,
The most shocking part of your story today is the fact that you haven't done a shooter since your Bachelorette party! Young lady, when I get to Paris, you and I are going to have a long talk...

La Mom said...


I almost didn't post this because I knew the Scandalicious Crew would send me straight to the naughty corner!

@Evolving Mommy,

Mmmm...Keystone. Now that's a blast from the past!

Paris Atelier said...

So funny! Tammy sounds wild! I don't know if I could hang!

Scandalous Housewife said...

Oh, I just nominated you for a Blogger's Choice award!!!


and check it out.


a H.I.T. said...

That sounds like our friends in the Hamptons 3 years ago. We were 25-27 yrs old. Hmm...I might withdraw my bid there too :)

Mommy In Pink said...

LMAO...that's one heck of a party...I don't drink much of anything anymore except the occasional glass of win with dinner! Thank goodness!

Jennifer said...

Woah. Body shots? In Paris? What's going on with the world?

SuZ said...

I definitely couldn't keep up with that crowd. One shot and I'm down for the count! :)

But the bike, ha ha ha... I'd kill to see that!

Michelle said...

Ridiculous! I am way too old and boring for that kind of wildness anymore!

Monkey Girl said...

Lordy La Mom,
The expats wives in Singapore were boring librarians by comparison.

Body shots? Off each other's husbands? That's not frat behaviour, that's girls gone wild behaviour.

I'm speechless, and you know that's a rarity.

Harriet said...

I truly hope you were making all of this up!

No wonder the French think Amercans are loud and uncouth and lack sophistication.

Tess said...

Oh, I havent been to a party like that for years!


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