Monday, April 27, 2009

In Seine

De Nile ain’t just a river in Egypt.

And In Seine ain’t about taking a dip in Paris’ most famous waterway.

No, “insane” is the perfect term to describe Katie. She’s a newbie to the expat scene, a milk-fed Wisconsiner with two strapping boys who hasn’t quite managed to ditch her perm, Mom Jeans, and white Reeboks.

It’s not just her clothes that get her in trouble. Katie’s got a real problem on her hands – L’Assistante. L’Assistante strikes fear into the hearts of all expat moms. She’s the one who manages access to your husband when he’s at the office. They’re practically glued to the hip.

And Katie’s convinced that they’re glued to the lip.

Here’s what she revealed at out latest Parc Monceau playdate:

Katie: I don’t know – Bob’s been putting in some really late nights at the office. And he travels all the time.

California Mom: What, do you think he’s cheating on you?

Katie: Well – he does have this really cute personal assistant.

La Mom:
That doesn’t necessarily mean anything. (But it sure as hell doesn’t bode well…)

Katie:
I sneaked some photos of her with my phone camera at the company party last week. I don’t know – it just seems like they have this connection.

La Mom’s Office Politics Tip #1: If you suspect people at the office are having an affair, they are. Trust me, by the time the non-French pick up on it, there’s already an illegitimate love child in the oven.

Katie passed the phone around. Hmmm – maybe she was on to something. L’Assistante was young, long-limbed, and glossy. Her shiny dark mane was casually tossed over a bronzed shoulder as she threw back her head and laughed at Bob’s witty remark. Hey, I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers.

Katie:
I guess it’s nothing, though. When I asked Bob about her, he said she wasn’t his type.

Collective intake of breath.

Wanting to trust your husband is one thing. But believing him when he says that the red-hot French chick “isn’t his type”?

That’s just insane.

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A tout à l’heure,

La Mom

23 comments:

Printemps said...

I enjoyed reading your office politics tips...an illegitimate love child in the oven.

StyleSpy said...

I know this makes me a horrible, horrible person, but the first thing I thought was, "Well, that's what she gets for wearing Mom jeans and Reeboks."

Under the Influence said...

I'm with StyleSpy - maybe a little competitive beauty update is necessary!

Michelle said...

poor girl! She is in denial!

ModernMom said...

OH No! Hope Katie listens to her girl friends and her gut. Your gut is always right.

MLH said...

I always enjoy reading your blog; however, today I was distracted by what I perceived to be an unfair stereotype. Katie is described as "a milk-fed Wisconsoner with two strapping boys who hasn’t quite managed to ditch her perm, Mom Jeans, and white Reeboks." Not all WisconsinITES are hopelessly unfasionable.

La Mom said...

@MLH -- Thanks for the correction. Clearly I don't meet many WisconsinITES.

About pigeonholing Wisconsin, no stereotyping here -- I'm just reporting the facts, ma'am. If it's any consolation, I've seen a lot of people from a lot of different states sport some heinous looks over here.

And I won't even tell you what *I* used to wear when I first came to Paris...that would totally blow my street cred.

La Mom

Scandalous Housewife said...

Yep, le French writing is on the wall! Maybe you could help her with a La Mom Makeover?

SuZ said...

I'm with StyleSpy here... Chuck the Moms jeans!!

:)

vicki archer said...

A Le Mom Makeover is the way to go whatever the outcome, xv.

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Not all men would cheat on their wives with a beautiful French women, but in my opinion if you suspect something then it is probably happening.

Jennifer said...

Ugh. Poor, poor Wisconsin ex-pat.

Paris Atelier said...

If you are suspicious enough to take undercover surveilience pics of her with your phone....it's probably true! She should ditch him and stay in Paris while getting a make over! She can probably find a beautiful assistant of her own! With an accent :) Screw le cheating hubby!!!
xoxo
Judith~
Hope all is well with you LA Mom! I just love my visits here :)

Dumbwit Tellher ♥ said...

I think she need's to pull a Susan Boyle. Seriously a makeover is due. Why oh why if you wear the mom jeans must it include the other two options (perm & white Reeboks?)Chances are he's into French food, but nice to think he's just working late. She need to make herself feel better. I vote of the La Mom Makeover too.

Kelli said...

I hope this isn't true but unfortunately she sounds too frumpy for her own good and in Paris...!!!
The newcomer needs to add a little fashion and French style to her life to bring her husband's eyes back onto her and away from l'assistante!

Monica said...

Poor, poor Katie.

Little Miss Cupcake said...

I don't know, is Bob French or American??? Call me naive but I think Katie may have a chance if he's the latter.

Nicole said...

On of the most stylish women I ever met in Paris, a head-hunter for the fashion industry and former editer of Marie-Claire, was originally from Wisconsin although I have to admit than even I, a Cheesehead born and bred, did a doubletake when she told me where she was from. I have had the same reaction when telling people where I grew up, which I take to mean that my tranformation into a titi Parisienne is a total success. (my french husband just started reading over my shoulder and did insist that I add that in his opinion, Katie does correspond to the norm back in WI)
As for the husband, your friend needs to book herself a personal shopper at le Bon Marche and empty her dear husbands bank account on the shopping spree that results. There is no better way- or French way- to get a man's attention than to spend all his money! IF he was a Frenchman, she would then have to studiosly ignore the possibility of an affair and it would all work out in the end. But an American man with a French woman? That really is a bit complicated...

GutsyWriter said...

Very interesting to visit a blogger in Paris as it brings back memories from my days living there. Also I now live in California, so i "understand" the differences. Sounds like Mr. American is adopting the French attitude very quickly.

a H.I.T. said...

And that is why I'm against hiring a hot, young au pair. I might not be able to control what goes on in the office, but at home, I'm the boss.

Anonymous said...

I think her first mistake was letting her husband know about her suspicion. Besides the fact that it makes her look insecure, he may do more to cover his tracks. If she truly believed something was going on she should have hired a pro to investigate and gather evidence. This way she'll know for a fact.She should look at the credit card and bank statements for anything unusual. In the end she has to decide how she wants to handle it, and better now than before anger keeps her from using her best judgment. If she wants to stay in the marriage, it should be because she loves him rather than out of fear of being on her own. Should she decide to leave, knowing the facts as quickly in the game as possible allows her time to prepare emotionally and financially.
Noel

Betsy Head, Affordable Interior Design said...

I LOVE the idea for this blog! I am not a mom, but I did live in Paris and am loving every post!

Betsy

Marjorie & Maureen said...

I agree about not hiring the hot au pair at home. Bringing temptation into the home is just wrong! Love your blog. I nominated your blog for an award. You probably get lots of blog awards.

Maureen

 

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