Friday, March 20, 2009

Stroller Candy

Pierre is the most popular little boy at the Parc Monceau.

All of his toddler pals want to play with him - just to be near her.

Their dads have suddenly taken up jogging at 4:30 in the afternoon - just to catch a glimpse of her at the sandbox after school is out.

And the DEMs (Desperate Expat Moms) are secretly taking fashion cues from her.

Who is she????

She's Pierre's STROLLER CANDY. As in, "Mommy is Daddy's arm candy, Nanny is my stroller candy."

Yep, Pierre has a new nanny and she is young, glossy, and gorgeous. The Dads stare at her as if she were a real piece of candy they'd like to eat.

And that's just the problem.

When the DEMs are hanging out at the sandbox, the Dads don't look at them with hunger in their eyes. And that makes the DEMs j-e-a-l-o-u-s. Only Seattle Mom had the guts to tell it like it is the other day:

Ohio Mom: Look at Stroller Candy play with Pierre. She sure is perky today. Why does she have to run around sticking out her chest like that?

Seattle Mom: Can't you just be nice for a minute?

Ohio Mom: Only a minute and not a second longer.

Seattle Mom: (In a joking, but slightly serious tone) You're just jealous. You hate the fact that you used to look like Stroller Candy and now you look like the women we all made fun of a decade ago when we were single. You're tired, frazzled, your shirt is dirty from your kids hanging on you, and you probably have mismatched bra & panties on to boot.

Montreal Mom: Ha! I bet we all have mismatched underwear on. Who has time to coordinate with kids? I'm too tired to care.

Seattle Mom: Stroller Candy does. That's why Ohio Mom's jealous. She's probably got the latest La Perla on under her clothes.

Ohio Mom: It's probably H&M.

Seattle Mom: Who cares what brand it is? She still looks better than we do.

What La Mom wants to know is - who's the mommy who hired Stroller Candy? Doesn't she remember Jude Law mixing it up with his nanny?

Some of the DEMs in my playgroup make it a habit to hire nannies who fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. It's not a bad policy to have when you live in Paris, especially if you have a French husband, don't you agree?

~By the way, merci Mommy In Pink
for giving me permission to use her blog picture!


Paris Atelier said...

LOL! Yes, find the worst looking Nanny you can find, not that we don't trust our husbands or that we are so shallow, but really...job security is important. Why put temptation in the way? Oh, to be in Paris today!
Great post, as always La Mom!

Under the Influence said...

Hhhmmm...maybe they are swingers!

Kelli said...

Great story! I know plenty of single gals that don't match their panties and bras.
Yes, very good idea to hire les moches!

Monkey Girl said...

Okay, I almost spit out my tea! The ugly tree was what did it. Too funny. I certainly wasn't that brave. Our nanny was nearly 50.

When you saw all the uber-petite, twenty-something Singaporean ladies, in 5-6 inch Jimmy Choo heals and Versace sundresses hanging on a 55+ American sugar daddy walking down Orchard Road...week after became tiresome.
I literally had sales ladies working the perfume counter at Takashimaya push me out of the way to get to my husband...they were ruthless. Doesn't boost up the ego much either.

Sydney Mum said...

Gosh I'm pleased I don't hang out at Park Monceau too much. Did you hear - even Brad Pitt and his nounou have a thing happening too!

Dumbwit Tellher ♥ said...

Yah for my fellow Seattle'ite!
She hit it dead on.
Who hires a nanny like that, really?

Ha! Thanks La Mom.

a H.I.T. said...

I am all about hiring the fugliest looking nanny there is.

Mommy In Pink said...

that's really funny! and no prob about the looks fab with this post!


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