Monday, February 23, 2009

Visine - It Gets The Red Out!


I love it when I can help a new expat friend in need.

La Mom's neighbor just arrived from Atlanta. I've nicknamed her Belle, as in Southern Belle. I have a feeling she may not last very long in Paris. She already informed me that she sees no need whatsoever to visit the Left Bank of Paris,"What's ovah theyah besides a bunch of museums?" Oh, just the Latin Quarter, Notre Dame, and the Marais.

Everything she needs is in her neighborhood and she has no desire to visit this beautiful city or try to learn a few basic French words, "What for, everybody speaks English anyway." Not exactly, but, if that's what you think, ok.

So we had a coffee/playdate yesterday afternoon. Belle showed up with horrible red, irritated eyes.

La Mom:
What happened to you?!

Belle(with Southern accent): Honey, Ah haave an infection and the cream the Doctah prescribed makes mah eyes feel worse, not bettah. The minute ah rubbed it in they started stinging.

La Mom: Go get me the cream and the doc's prescription! I'll doublecheck everything for you.

So she ran back up to her apartment and brought back the creams the doc prescribed.

Notice I wrote "creams?" Plural.

Poor Belle, something had obviously been lost in translation. What she had rubbed into her eyes was cream, but not for her eye infection. Seems she had another infection too - down south in her Atlanta area. She rubbed the cream for that itchy little infection into her eyes and vice versa.

La Mom:(Pretending not to understand the prescription) Not sure what champignon (mushroom) cream is for, but it definitely does not go into your eyes! The tube says nothing about eyes. For future reference, les yeux means eyes.

Belle: Oh honey, well ah must haaave mixed it up with the cream for mah leg rash.

Yeah, right, your "leg rash" secret is safe with me:)
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21 comments:

Trisha said...

Oh, my goodness. At least she'll be good for your IQ and confirming all those ugly American stereotypes.

Suburbia Steph said...

That is Hilarious!!! Who moves to a foreign country without the willingness to learn at the very least, the basics of that language? Oh, with the exception of those that speak Spanish here in good old USA, that is.

She's damn lucky she didn't go blind! At least her eye is not yeast free!!!! LOL

Monkey Girl said...

Ick...

TRES BELLE said...

HAHAHAHA That is soooo funny! I found your blog from Kelli's. Leg rash...I can't imagine her NOT wanting to visit the Left Bank???What on earth is wrong with her??? We stayed there on my first and sad to say last visit to Paris several years ago...I hope to go back again,and again, and again...By the way, I live in Texas and these people talk pretty much the same way...Ha ya'll doin". So funny. I'm not a native Texan. No pun intended.

Kris

Kelli said...

HAHAHAHA, I am not laughing out of evil intent, this is just too damn funny! Well, I hope Belle gets with the program because she will regret not visiting ALL of Paris. It was always so sad for me to meet fellow expats that couldn't speak French after living there for 10 years and only loved certainly hoity toity areas of the city. Get out, explore and live life! It is too short and precious.
La Mom, please keep us updated on Belle's progress and I hope her champignons situation gets under control! ;)
PS ~ Housewarming gift idea: French/English Dictionary!

Under the Influence said...

I see some damn good blog material in your future!

Julia@SometimesLucid said...

I HATE the Americans who think everyone should cater to them, when they're in a foreign country!

Of course, these are the same people who rant and rave about how everyone in America should learn English!

the Shipe's said...

hilarious! I hope she gets over herself & can fully enjoy paris!

Patricia said...

Sorry to be picky La Mom, but the Marais is on the Right Bank.

Elisa said...

OMG, that's hilarious! I have a friend like that. She lived in Switzerland for 8 years but never learned a word of German. I really don't like German, but I can speak enough to use at the bank, pharmacy, etc.

The "why, everybody speaks English here" thing is part of what gives Americans a reputation :-(

a H.I.T. said...

I. can't. stop. laughing. I guess that's what happens when you snub the Left Bank.

sealaura said...

Just found your blog a few days ago and I have been blurking ever since. I am huge francophile who has not made it over to paris (yet!) anyway, this story was hysterical! I'm so glad that via the great powers of procrastination I found your blog :)

Sherry said...

Ew.

Anonymous said...

And isn't Notre Dame on Ile de la Cite? Is that counted as Left Bank?

Kasey said...

How funny!
It might take a while but I'm sure that she'll eventually learn :)

Staci said...

lol! I cannot even imagine being in such a beautiful place and not wanting to explore and see the sites... I wish I was there!

Jennifer said...

Aaaahahahahahaha! Fabulous! That's what she gets for being such an ingrate! To be in Paris and NOT want to visit every square inch?! She is Cray-Cray!

monkey said...

why?.. how? just what is that woman doing in paris while i'm not?!! how could she not want to see THE WHOLE CITY? le sigh.

i'm stunned.

Peg and Don said...

This is hilarious!!!! I laughed so hard, then had to read it aloud to my wife. She got what she deserved and will probably get more. Quelle idiot!!! Practicing the high school Francais... You may want to consider spending time more with her, writing down the anecdotes, then publishing them in a book. I'm glad your blog crossed my path.

Still Life in South America said...

Whoa, the fur is flying in here!

The belle sounds as though she wasn't attentive enough at the doctor's office. I'm sure the doctor directed which cream goes where!

Ann said...

Too funny! But I'm pretty sure a "champignon" in a medical context is used to refer to a variety of skin rashes and irritations -I think they use "mycose" specifically for yeast infections. Let's just say that I used to work with an American study abroad program in France and have translated my way through all sorts of rashes, irritations and infections, fun stuff! Love your blog!

 

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