Saturday, January 17, 2009

The Nanny Diaries Part 2: DO NOT ...


The new nanny started last week and I don't think our association will make it to the end of next week.

So once again, I'm nanny hunting. DO NOT APPLY IF YOU PLAN ON DOING THE FOLLOWING:

-Asking for August vacation dates on your first day at work (in January).

-Asking for a salary advance on your second day at work.

-Showing up 20 minutes late on your third day at work (with the lame excuse that you got stuck in your building's elevator.)

-Showing up 10 minutes late on the fifth and sixth day at work (and always blame it on the Paris metro being late.)

-Calling in *sick* on the seventh day of work.

-Showing up 25 minutes late on the eighth day of work with the best excuse of all, "I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just couldn't get out of bed this morning."

-Commenting on how my apartment "must have cost a fortune."

-Bringing your financial problems to work
(I don't want to hear about the friend who lent you money and who is going back to Madagascar tomorrow and wants her money back asap - in fact hinting again that you need an advance.)

-Bringing your love life to work
(I don't care that your new husband can't get his visa to join you in France and you are fighting French Immigration administration for this and that. Hey - I'm a foreigner in this country too. I know what French admin is like. It sucks! I don't need you to go on about it for 15 minutes. Been there done that!)

-Informing me that you are still co-sleeping with your 16 year old son. Eeewww.

-When I offer you a cup of tea it doesn't mean that you should sit down at the dining room table and read your newspaper in front of me while I take care of the kid's lunch. Multitask please.

-While you are changing Small Fry's diaper and her onesie is pulled up around her waist, you are not to wipe her snotty nose with it then clip it back on! (Yes, I saw this via the nanny cam.)

-Ignoring where you walk. DO NOT push the stroller through dog pee puddles and dog poop! (By the way, I don't need your scientific analysis on how old the dog poop in front of my apartment building door is. Yes, it's dried up and looks old to me too, possibly 3 days old, but honestly, I really don't care. Just don't step in it or push the stoller through it!)

-Giving me medical advice. I pay someone who has gone to medical school and wears a white lab coat to do that.

-Making comments like, "You rich Madame."
(I'm not, although I can see how it may appear so to you. You've totally given me a complex about this. When I went shopping yesterday I actually asked the saleslady if she could keep the bags overnight so you would not see me come home with them. Am I just a petit peu paranoid you'll think I'm a bitch for spending your denied salary advance on clothes? Yes. I know I shouldn't care what you think, but I do.)

-Proposing to take Small Fry to your meeting at the French Immigration Office on the other side of Paris...30 minutes before you are to pick Big Fry up from judo.
1/ No, you won't be able to do it "vite" (quickly) because that's just not how it works in France. Nothing is done quickly. Well, maybe there is one thing..the French seem to cut in front of you in line pretty fast!
2/ Small Fry should spend the afternoon at the park or finger painting, not hanging out with a bunch of people with immigration issues in a run-down state building. With state employees. Who frown. Who are rude. Who are useless.
3/ You are not to leave the 16th arrondissement with the French Fries. It's in your contract. Please read this part and commit it to memory.

And of course, last but not least:
-Showering chez moi then drying off with my bath towel.
-Trying on my clothes when I'm out.

Voilà!

The list isn't too demanding is it?

23 comments:

Julia@SometimesLucid said...

I think you are asking for way too much. All of those are perfectly normal things for a nanny to request ;)

Under the Influence said...

Oh dear! Good luck with finding a new nanny - maybe one who wants to work, be discreet and respectful!

SuZ said...

Holy Crap!

Some people have balls... huge balls!

How have you not strangled that woman?

La Mom said...

@SuZ - The only thing that has stopped me is my love for the French Fries. They need me more than a mom doing 10 to Life :)

Anonymous said...

I think you need to work on assimilating to French ways of life. Being late because of the metro, expecting August vacation & other points noted may seem ridiculous to an American, but that is how things are in France.

La Mom said...

@Anonymous,
I've been here for a VERY long time. I'm more than assimilated.

You don't show up on the first day of any new job (and by the way on a trial period) asking for vacation dates 7 months off.

I can accept 5 minutes late bc of the metro, but this is not an excuse to be used on a daily basis. I'm a pro with the metro, I know what I'm talking about.

Trisha said...

As a former nanny I can't even imagine behaving that way at my employers house and in front of her children! I'm so sorry you are starting your year this way. That saying must be true: it's hard to find good help.

Are you using a service?

Mommy In Pink said...

LOL! Are you serious...sounds like you picked a winner there! And you have nanny cam? Sweet...just like the movie! haha! That is so funny...good luck in your hunt for a new one!

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Wow, it does sound like your week has been pretty stressful! You wouldn't think that finding a nanny would be so hard. Good luck though...it sounds like you'll need all the luck you can get.

La Mom said...

@Trisha,
I am going to use a service starting tomorrow.
I was a former au-pair girl myself and I never would have dreamed of behaving like this - and I was 20 back then. My nanny is 40!

Elisa said...

OMG what a creep!! It was funny at first, but as the list progressed it got worse and worse.

So the search continues... good luck!

Michelle said...

Sounds like she was the perfect fit! What was there not to like?

Good luck on your continued search!

Ms. Bar B: said...

Wow! Yeah... you should seriously NOT do those things if you are serious about keeping your job.

Trisha said...

Keep us posted on the service search! For a continuation of my current lifestyle I will gladly move my two little boys, husband and myself to Paris to care for your little ones:)! lol.
The other route to a great nanny is theft. Find a nanny you love working for a friend you don't like to much and offer her more money to work for you.

Scandalous Housewife said...

Really, La Mom, get her crazy ass out of your apartment, STAT!

Anonymous said...

I think you are just as spoiled as the women you write about so critically. You can't be friendly with the nanny and have some compassion for her discussing her husbands issues? As someone who is a foreigner to the country, can you not have a bit of compassion?

Your blog does nothing but make you out to be a shallow, pretentious, cold hearted bitch with the ego to match.

As someone in a similar situation as yours, I thank my lucky stars that I am as fortunate as I am and take the time to be friendly to those that are going to be a part of my life such the help or the nanny.

I get the frustration with being on time and following the contract but who the hell devotes such negativity to the woman enjoying tea and venting a bit about her love life.

Enjoy your fortune and spread kindness not stupid high school bs.

Anonymous said...

love how you didn't post my comment... pretty much only the ones that go along with your thoughts.

how pathetic to sensor your comments. you must really know that what i said was true or else you'd would have posted it.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Anonymous,

Lighten up! What get so upset over a blog? Take it for what it is -- entertainment.

P.S. I hear Prozac works wonders for the Parisian blues...

Another Anon

Kasey said...

She's 40?
From the way you described her I would have thought she was more like 17:)

Doré said...

I'm glad to see you found another nanny. After reading this list, you definitely needed a replacement!

Diane M. said...

I have some experience with nannies in Paris, having raised my boys there with the help of two loving caregivers. What I learned is that if you pay someone a living wage, offer good hours and working conditions, welcome them into your family and have a keen sense of what people are about you can find the right fit. Don't give up. One of my French nannies is like a daughter to me and even named one of her boys after mine. (Incidentally there were times when she drove me up the wall but she loved my boys and I'm sure I got on her nerves too). Good luck with your search.

Anonymous said...

After reading this, I can only hope your nanny has been able to find an employer willing to give pay her a decent wage.

Co-sleeping with her 16-year-old son...eeew? Well that's the truth for families who can't afford an alternative.

Welcome to life outside the 16th, lady.

Susan said...

This post made me feel depressed for that poor woman. You are truly a vile human being!

 

View my page on Mom Bloggers Club