Monday, November 24, 2008

These Should Be Illegal in France

The Urban Dictionary says it best:

A men's style of undergarment that holds the genitalia in a sling-like hammock apparatus, allowing IT to protrude offensively. Favored by greasy Europeans at the beach, and even greasier weightlifters during competition and posedown sessions.

Banana Hammocks (aka Speedos) should be outlawed here. After more than a decade vacationing on French Riviera beaches, I still can't get my head around the fact that they are the bathing garment of choice for toddlers, little boys, dads, and grandpas. In fact, I'm doing you a favor by posting a picture of a very handsome mec in one. Take my word for it, I've never seen anyone look that good in a Speedo on the beach here!

Over the weekend Banana Hammocks came a little to close for comfort in my perfect little world.

I went to sign up Big Fry for swim lessons and THE FIRST rule of participation in the class was that Big Cheese and Big Fry must wear Speedos. According to the French, these nifty little pieces of fabric are "more hygenic" than swim shorts. I can't get my head around that one either. If anything, they are less hygenic, because, well, just because!
(Sidebar: Since when are the French experts in hygiene? Not that long ago they were barely showering once a day, using deodorant, and removing armpit hair. Their stinky reputation came from somewhere because, well, where there's smoke, there's fire right? Although I must admit, in my experience this is not true anymore except on the metro in the summertime.)

Imagining myself shopping for Banana Hammocks for my boys and their boy's just wasn't working. So the swim lessons just aren't happening. I refuse to let my boys look like the men I see on the beach every summer. I guess we'll just have to take Big Fry back to the US this summer where thankfully, at least where I come from, nobody dares to wear those things!

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