Thursday, November 20, 2008

La Mom’s New Game

Remember that game Bulls**t Bingo? You know, the one you play in boring meetings where people throw around words like “synergy”? Back in the day when La Mom was La Career Femme, I introduced this game to my French colleagues, which translated surprisingly well.

Now that I’ve traded the boardroom for the jungle gym, I’ve made up a new game to play:

Snob Sabotage!

I don’t get stuck in dull-as-dishwater meetings anymore, but I do have to attend a lot of swanky soirées for Big Cheese’s work.

These events are always the same – couture cocktail dresses, a spectacular address (although I’m not complaining about the VIP treatment we received for Bastille Day as we watched the Eiffel Tower fireworks display from the terrace of the ultra-chic Musée de Quai Branly).

And last but not least, a bunch of uptight, snobby Parisienne mamans.

Why would I want to sabotage these Frenchwomen? Because they treat me like I’m a piece of furniture! Frenchwomen at parties only care about two things: their husbands and the circle of friends they’ve known since birth. The only way I could ever grab their attention is if I pretended to be hired help and passed them a caviar canapé.

So I've decided to hit them where it hurts.

Here are the rules:

1) Select a nice-looking Frenchman.

2) Ask him a question, preferably about politics or the state of the world economy (Frenchmen like their women smart).

3) Lightly touch his sleeve and flash that big American smile.

4) Totally ignore his wife.

5) Stand back and watch the smoke start spiraling out of her ears.

Amusez-vous bien! (Have fun!) registered & protected

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Carla Bruni on David Letterman

Check out France's fabuleuse First Lady on Dave yesterday.

Carla & Dave

Then check Carla Sings to hear her sing songs featured in La Mom's Musique Bar.

As Carla tells Dave, she lives part time at the Presidential Palace and part time here in the 16th arrondissement (5 minutes away from moi!) The neighborhood traffic jams up when Daddy Sarkozy comes to visit with his entourage of 10 cars. I wonder which multi-million euro house is hers?

Monday, November 17, 2008

La Mom’s ABC’s

As glamorous as my Parisian world seems, it’s not all about croissants and Cristal 24/7. Let’s face it, at some point you need to wake up, smell the French-roast café, and get yourself a whole new vocabulary.

Bienvenue to La Mom’s ABC’s – French lessons for any maman looking for a touch of Paris in her own life!

A comme "Accouchement"

No, this is not the “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir” of Lady Marmalade fame. Unless Lady Marmalade was hitting those high notes during contractions.

Yep, you guessed it, we're talking labor and delivery here.

In Paris, your husband isn’t the first to know you saw the little blue line on the stick – you speed-dial the most chic hospital in town! As the zip code goes down on your precious progeny’s certificat de naissance, it only makes sense that little Hugo or Mathilde comes into the world under the best possible circumstances – preferably with room service that includes a wine list.

La Mom confession: I’m outing L’Amie, my BFF in the Paris ‘burbs for doing exactly that. When given a choice between her babies being born at the public hospitals of working-class Poissy or ultra-chic Neuilly-sur-Seine, she naturally opted for Neuilly, even if it meant that she might be stuck in a massive traffic jam en train d’accoucher!

What’s a little discomfort if you can get a snooty address on your kid’s birth certificate? registered & protected

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