Monday, November 24, 2008

These Should Be Illegal in France

The Urban Dictionary says it best:

A men's style of undergarment that holds the genitalia in a sling-like hammock apparatus, allowing IT to protrude offensively. Favored by greasy Europeans at the beach, and even greasier weightlifters during competition and posedown sessions.

Banana Hammocks (aka Speedos) should be outlawed here. After more than a decade vacationing on French Riviera beaches, I still can't get my head around the fact that they are the bathing garment of choice for toddlers, little boys, dads, and grandpas. In fact, I'm doing you a favor by posting a picture of a very handsome mec in one. Take my word for it, I've never seen anyone look that good in a Speedo on the beach here!

Over the weekend Banana Hammocks came a little to close for comfort in my perfect little world.

I went to sign up Big Fry for swim lessons and THE FIRST rule of participation in the class was that Big Cheese and Big Fry must wear Speedos. According to the French, these nifty little pieces of fabric are "more hygenic" than swim shorts. I can't get my head around that one either. If anything, they are less hygenic, because, well, just because!
(Sidebar: Since when are the French experts in hygiene? Not that long ago they were barely showering once a day, using deodorant, and removing armpit hair. Their stinky reputation came from somewhere because, well, where there's smoke, there's fire right? Although I must admit, in my experience this is not true anymore except on the metro in the summertime.)

Imagining myself shopping for Banana Hammocks for my boys and their boy's just wasn't working. So the swim lessons just aren't happening. I refuse to let my boys look like the men I see on the beach every summer. I guess we'll just have to take Big Fry back to the US this summer where thankfully, at least where I come from, nobody dares to wear those things!


Isabelle said...

They are more hygenic because you put them on in the locker room before swimming and take them off after swimming. Whereas (specially in the summer) guys and boys can wear short style bathing suits all day long, from the moment they dress up to the moment they go to bed.

KimandCo said...

More hygienic? That's what chlorine is for! What about those cute bike short thingies or the body suit that Michael Phelps and others wore in the Olympics? Now that looks hygienic. And no body parts accidentally make an appearance.

Can't you just tell them the kids are 1/2 American and their bodies repel Banana Slings?

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Eewwww! I am with you. I can only give Banana Hammocks the go ahead when used for professional swimming purposes...and even then it is a bit much!

La Mom said...

KimandCo - you said it best! The jury rests - CHLORINE!

La Mom said...

Sorry to have grossed you out Evolving Mommy. You won't have this problem with Stinky!

Kristy said...

Ewww...Gross...I hate those icky things! Good for you...I wouldn't take my boys there either if I had boys!

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Isabelle, for the enlightenment about why Speedos are thought to be more hygenic. I really had no idea how they could be!

misschris said...

Is your husband American or French? I've never really heard a French person complain that they were too revealing. My husband doesn't mind wearing his to the pool at all. I'm fairly used to them too.

There's always the more modest square cut version that I think most pools in France allow if the Speedo isn't your cup of tea.

I think my son looks adorable in his little red Speedo.

Stacey Crew said...

Hmmmm...more hygenic. That's one way to look at it!

Anonymous said...

Hey thanks for the informative post, Swimming classes should be something that a person takes up when young. Well I guess an adult can also take up swimming lessons. Never too young to try!

La Mom said...

Hi Alisha,

Big Cheese knows how to swim. Since Big Fry is small he must be accompanied by a parent.

Thanks for visiting from Singapore!

KimandCo said...

Hey La Mom. Check out my site today, I gave you an award.


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