Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Le Cul de Plombier

What's this little French phrase you ask?

Here's a hint courtesy of Wikipedia:
Buttock cleavage is minor exposure of the buttocks and the gluteal cleft between them, often because of low-slung trousers

If you still don't know what I'm talking about, here's a more vulgar definition courtesy of the Urban Dictionary:

When a man bends over and his butt crack hangs out

Eh oui, the subject du jour is Plumber Butt.
What's this have to do with being a mom in Paris? Everything...

The good news is that I fit into my svelte size 27 Sevens again after having French Fry number deux. The bad news is that not only do I have a slight case of muffin top, but -even more worrisome - bending over to pick up Small Fry gives me a serious case of "cul de plombier". Technically, the French term is "la raie" (if you can call "plumber´s butt" a technical term), which means "part". As in parting you hair. You get the picture, I´m sure. And so did I at the Parc Monceau yesterday.

La Mom spotted a cool-looking blonde maman in a cashmere turtleneck, Prada riding boots, and low-slung Sevens leaning over to catch her young son at the bottom of the slide. I was comparing her pricey casual chic look to mine when I was visually assaulted by the Y of her black lace thong as her jeans shimmied their way down her derrière.

The outfit scored ten out of ten in my book until I saw the thong. Well, at least it was lace and not cotton. But seriously, once we become moms and we're not 18 anymore it's time to exchange the thongs for something a bit more practical if we're wearing low-rise jeans at the park. Keep the thong for the naughty-Paris side of you that only your husband (or lover) sees, keep it practical for the kiddies and moms.

What to wear then?
La Mom recommends boy's shorts. They're not granny panties because they still retain part of the thong floss concept, but your whole derrière is not flossed. The material lightly curves around your cheeks while keeping a high waist, which as we know, is très important especially on those cold winter days at the Park Monceau. Bending over at the slide and catching wind on your crack can be a killer. Boy's shorts solve this problem.

For up-market boy's shorts La Mom recommends La Perla. They are truly beautiful panties. For down-market ones - just hop on over to H & M and load up on them. They are sold 3 to a pack for 5 euros and come in black, white, and beige. Can't crack (oops, I mean - beat) that!

Lesson learned: Classy mommies do not show their cul de plombier. Even in Paris.

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